Welcome to Gretta Krane's Newsletter, "Life is a Choice"

This monthly newsletter is written with the intention of showing there really are nothing but possibilities in our lives. Our lives are filled with choices most of us are not even aware that we have. We get to choose how we feel, what we believe, and what to create in our lives.

This newsletter is all about the creative power that we all hold inside of us...

"Those kids are driving me crazy!" What parent hasn't thought that a couple of times…a day, sometimes a couple of times an hour! I love my twin boys with all my heart, yet I know that thought's crept into my consciousness more than once. Usually when I'm in the middle of a project that requires all of my attention--which is the reason they need me right then. Because my attention's on the project, not them.

But they want… they need my attention, and so they create a problem requiring it. What they want is for me to teach them to resolve the situation fairly, and in a way that understands both their points of view.

I gladly take time away from finishing my task to help them because guiding them to see how they can come up with solutions is time well spent. Together we figure out what's going on, what they're feeling and why they're feeling it. They discover it's their thoughts and feelings around what's going on that's creating the problem, not the situation itself. If I pay close attention to what they're saying, thinking and feeling, then get them to talk about it, they'll arrive at an understanding and the fear or problem disappears.

I've been doing this "conflict resolution" with my kids for a while; what's new is using it to deal with my inner kids. Because they too can be unruly and demanding of my time, and when they don't get my attention -- drive me to distraction. Given my attention, just as with my outer kids, they stop distracting me.

You're asking inner kids? What are inner kids? Let me explain…like most people, sometimes I feel afraid and not good enough, confused or overwhelmed. These feelings usually come from certain experiences in my past that have developed into negative feelings and beliefs I now have about myself. These strong negative feelings I have about myself during certain times I call my inner kids, because the experiences that created the negative feelings and beliefs were developed in my childhood. When this happens, I deal with my feelings as I would with my boys… with one twist. Rather than talk, I get out my pen, my journal and I write. I go through the same process, but I ask myself what am I feeling, why, and where the feeling came from.

The answers usually refer to an experience from the past, that's creating the fearful thoughts/feelings I'm experiencing in the present. Finding their source brings understanding; when that happens, my fearful thoughts and feelings are released. They may return if triggered, but they'll be less strong and have less power over me until finally, they'll be gone.

This writing is called Non-Dominant writing and it's the best tool I've found in creating harmony and happiness in my life. It let's me better understand myself, and my life, while helping me resolve complicated issues. Through non-dominant writing, I've become less distracted by feelings created in my past which allows me to make conscious decisions in my today.

If we're feeling afraid or judgmental; guilty or angry; "stuck" or anxious, chances are good that those feelings all spring from our childhood. But knowing why we feel the way we do and how it's been affecting our lives brings to us an understanding that empowers us to make changes in our lives. And when we do, the lives we'll live can be happy ones.

When we're aware of why we feel and act the way we do we can change our actions, stop them if we choose. When we do, we take power away from our old thoughts and give it back to our newer, healthier and happier selves.

There's a movie called "The Kid," starring Bruce Willis as a character named Russ Duritz. It's great in illustrating why it's important to deal with our inner children and the fallout when we don't.

In "The Kid," Bruce Willis/Russ Duritz is a successful, wealthy, powerful image consultant. He's also very unhappy, mean, self-centered, sarcastic and angry.

Early on, Russ' father asks Russ to help him move. Russ has no intention of helping his Dad; wants nothing to do with him. Rather, he wants to forget about his past, including his father.

That night an 8 year old boy shows up at Russ's house. Russ doesn't realize that the kid is Russ as he was at 8 years old. Russ doesn't like this boy; he's irritated by his presence and he judges, criticizes and ridicules the kid, thus showing how much he hated himself when he was younger. Russ tries everything to get rid of the kid, but not only won't the kid leave, he can't leave.

Eventually Russ realizes that the kid's there to help him, not the other way around as he first thought. By talking to the kid, asking him questions and trying to remember his past instead of forget it Russ realizes that his childhood goals are all unfulfilled. The 8 year old thinks the grown up Russ is a loser.

Russ, and The Kid Russ discover a time in their past they must deal with to get Young Russ' out of Russ' present day. They go back together and see the event. To Russ, because he's now the observer, it's not that scary. Talking the Kid through fighting the school bully, Russ realizes it wasn't the fight but the scolding from his father after the fight that had the painful effect on his life. Russ's mother was dying and Russ didn't know it until his father told him while screaming at him for fighting. The Kid internalized his mother's death as his fault and that his father hated him for it.

Russ now understands that The Kid thought he was to blame for his mother's death. Talking together helps him/them see that this wasn't the case. Russ now talks to his 8-year-old self with love, compassion and acceptance. He understands what really happened and why he became the angry adult he is. He forgives himself and his dad and then Russ stops hating himself. This not only removes his 8 year old from his present but Russ is now able to create his dreams and happiness.

Although our inner kids are not going to actually present themselves outside of us, they do present themselves on inside of us and they can cause just as much havoc in our lives when they do. Our inner kids need a dialogue going so that they too can come to an understanding of the events in their lives.

If you are feeling guilt, anger, sadness, stuck, self-hatred, self-criticism, frustrated, anxious, and nervous, these are all signs that your inner kids want your attention and I strongly advise your giving it to them. For me, the most important work I've ever done is my inner work. Until I understood why I thought, acted or felt the way did, I was never in control of myself, or my life. The inner kids were.

My inner kids are a lot like my outer kids. When my kids (inner or outer) are distracting me with negative thoughts, they are in need of my attention. By giving them my attention whether it's 5 minutes or 5 hours, ultimately I'm helping me. Because when my kids (inner or outer) understand what's really going on, they are no longer afraid, and usually don't act up.

If we dialogue with our inner kids they can help us understand the events of our lives. Together we can take out the fears, the negative self-beliefs and move to a place where we are secure and where we can lead joyous lives.

Socrates said "Know Thyself." This is truly the road to happiness.

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