Welcome to Gretta Krane's Newsletter, "Life is a Choice"

This monthly newsletter is written with the intention of showing there really are nothing but possibilities in our lives. Our lives are filled with choices most of us are not even aware that we have. We get to choose how we feel, what we believe, and what to create in our lives.

This newsletter is all about the creative power that we all hold inside of us...

It's hard to believe that spring, the time of year known for new things, the season that is bursting forth with hope and possibilities, is also the time of year when suicides are most likely to happen. People often, and mistakenly, believe that the holiday season is when the suicide rate spikes. But it's not then, and I don't understand why. I can tell you, however, that it was in early spring when my husband chose to commit suicide. And so with that knowledge in my mind, and on this beautiful spring morning, I am writing about suicide.

Actually, I'm writing about Suicide Awareness, because while many people know that suicide is a problem in our country, I suspect that they have no idea how huge a problem it truly is.

To give you an idea of the immensity of the problem:

• Every 16 minutes someone commits suicide.
• Over 38,000 committed suicide last year and 1.8 million people attempted suicide. In one years time the number has grown from a million to 1.8 million.
• There are twice as many suicides as homicides in our country.
• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among youth ages 15-24.
• It's the second leading cause of death among college students.
• There are over 5 million survivors of suicide in our country today. (By that I mean, someone who is a relative or close friend of a person who committed suicide.)

With the numbers being so startling, and the problem not subsiding, why aren't people discussing the issue? There are two issues that prevent an open discussion in our country; together they contribute to our ongoing lack of awareness.

PROBLEM #1: THE SHAME: I know this one first hand. I saw what the shame of feeling depressed and suicidal looked like because my husband suffered from it due to his manic depression. Shame caused him to hold his feelings inside. Shame prevented him from reaching out for help and ultimately shame played a large part in him taking his life.

PROBLEM #2: THE MYTH: There's a myth out there about suicide, and it is this: If you talk about suicide, it will make more people do it. I don't buy it, but many people do. Here's why I don't--if this the case, why do anti-drug organizations urge us to talk about drugs to our kids? If this so-called suicide logic holds true, won't talking about drugs cause our kids to do drugs?

What can be done to turn these problems into opportunities-opportunities that will move us from standing paralyzed in the face of so great a problem, to coping with and ultimately overcoming the problem?

Just as there were two problems, there are two solutions:

SOLUTION #1: THE DISCUSSION: There needs to be one and it needs to be between family members, peers and mentors. Included in "The Discussion" comes the assurance that people will feel safe and unashamed when they talk about their feelings. If no shame is attached to a conversation that includes feelings of depression, mental stability and/or suicide, then there's a reason to believe (and to hope) that the person who is suffering will come to the table and talk.

If they do come and talk, then the discussion can continue in an appropriate place, with a person trained in dealing with the situation. It may be a therapist, a counselor, a suicide prevention group, or a suicide hotline. But I fully believe that if more people reach out for help, I believe there will be fewer suicides.

SOLUTION #2: THE OPENNESS: We are not taught as children how to deal with our feelings. In fact, we're taught how not to deal with them, and instead to hide them, stuff them away and sometimes, to feel ashamed of them. How many times have you heard people say, "Oh, don't feel sad" or "You shouldn't feel that way" or maybe even, "That's stupid, you shouldn't feel that way" or maybe "Stop crying, you shouldn't cry."

This is a great disservice to us and to our children. Knowing how to process our feelings in healthy ways makes us stronger and more well balanced. And when we don't have the shame to hold us down, we grow even stronger and become even more well balanced.

Awareness of a problem doesn't create a bigger problem. What it does create is a bigger understanding about the existing problem. And we need to understand that there A LOT of people out there who feel depressed and/or suicidal and we need to understand that they need help. But first they need to know its okay to get help, that they won't be judged because of their feelings.

So let's create a dialogue where people feel safe to partake in. Let's talk to each other, let's talk to our kids, and let's take the shame away from how we may feel and the judgment away from how another person may feel. Let's replace it with understanding and compassion. And finally, let's find a way to let each other know that talking about suicide and reaching out for help is okay.

When we do this spring will again be remembered as the season it is... one that's bursting with potential and hope, and the joy that comes in greeting each day.

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