Welcome to Gretta Krane's Newsletter, "Life is a Choice"

This monthly newsletter is written with the intention of showing there really are nothing but possibilities in our lives. Our lives are filled with choices most of us are not even aware that we have. We get to choose how we feel, what we believe, and what to create in our lives.

This newsletter is all about the creative power that we all hold inside of us...

What is it about life? Just when we think we have everything all figured out, and that everything is so secure, so set in its ways and so predictable, it turns out that it is none of those things at all. Life takes us by surprise and knocks us cold with a tragedy.

Tragedy strikes often without warning, leaving us without the way to control the experience. This out-of-control feeling leaves us believing we are weak and powerless and causes tremendous feelings of fear, guilt, shame and blame within us.

Regrettably, I am familiar with those feelings due to my own tragic experience. 9 years ago my husband killed himself in front of me. When it happened I felt as if I'd fallen into a deep, dark well. That well had me believing I had no way of changing my life, that I was stuck in a life of sadness and misery never to know real happiness again.

I was wrong. I got out of that well. And that's why I am writing this newsletter today.

One of the most important things I've realized from my experience is that it doesn't matter how we fall into the well, the experience is always different and very personal-for me it was a suicide, for others it may be a divorce, or a loss of a job, death of a loved one, even a natural disaster-but how these experiences leaves us feeling is always the same. It's a feeling of hopelessness, powerlessness, inability to change our lives, of being stuck.

After my husband's suicide, though I believed my life was over, my family and friends did not. Through their support I embarked on a path where lost hope was regained and lost potential was found.

When I fell in to the well I could do nothing. My head was swimming and concentrating on anything other than breathing was next to impossible. Fortunately, family and friends who came to my aid and from meal preparation to yard work, from babysitting to bill paying, they took care of nearly all of my needs. And I let them. I had little energy to do much of anything and zero desire to try.

Over time, and with the gentle persistence from my family, I reached out to organizations and individuals. Within me lied a deep desire to obtain some kind of understanding of this horrible experience, and to get rid of the feeling of an elephant sitting my chest keeping me from being able to breathe.

I began by asking people if they knew anyone who could help me. And though some of the first people I reached out to, were not able to help me, my search continued and eventually I ended up finding just the right counselors, organizations, and books that did help me.

Soon I experienced what I like to call a "Defining Moment"-that moment when I felt my life shift from can't to can, from stuck to unstuck, from hopelessness to hope. When I saw all the possibilities in front of me I hadn't seen before and my climb out of the well began.

I realized I wasn't stuck, I only thought I was. I realized there were tangible things I could do to get un-stuck and pull myself out of the well.

Once out, I clearly there were 4 factors that brought me to the surface:

1. Believing there was a way for me to change my life.
2. Understanding it was only my perception of my life that was creating the feeling of being stuck.
3. Once I believed in the possibility of a way out, the path showed itself.
4. Believing information was out there that I knew I don't know yet, but I knew it would help me, and I was willing to find it.

In my darkest moments, when I was lying on the bottom of my well, there were many people who came to me and made sure I was taken care of until I was ready to just stand up. Because of them I was never alone until I was ready to be alone.

So what is it about life? Unexpected and unimaginable things do happen, and will happen. And so will your ability to deal with them. You have it in you. You can move forward. You can create a powerful life after tragedy. You owe it to yourself to try.

How Can You Help?

If you know someone sitting in the well right now, stay connected; don't be afraid to reach out. Become involved, whether it's a phone call to say, "I'm thinking of you," or taking care of some need they may have... do it. It doesn't have to be a lot but it may seem that way to the person on the receiving end of your attention and your love.

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